Marriage pressure is real, especially for women on passing their teenage years and getting into adulthood. Marriage pressure is the pressure one feels to marry or get married. It is characterized by endless questions on when you will get married and whether you have a partner. The problem is very real for women as women are expected by society to get married as soon as they’re off college and into their working lives.
Can You Get Married with 2 Kids?
Marriage pressure can be very arduous especially when there are kids in the picture. As a lady and a lady with two kids, life can be hellish when you are trying to raise your children alone and having to contend with dating life in hopes of getting married someday. Kids complicate one’s chances of marriage but are a blessing nonetheless. No one should be made to feel like they will end up alone just because they had kids in their younger years and out of wedlock. Even more, no mother should be made to feel unmarriable just because she had kids and did so with someone who later refused responsibility or ran away.
Single mothers deserve marriage just like everyone else and pressurizing them to get married doesn’t help. It is possible to get married even with children and anyone out there looking for a spouse or partner should be open-minded about the person they may find.
The Benefits of Marrying Someone who Already has Kids
Marrying someone with kids can be a joy as it would give you a full family and extra responsibilities as a step-dad or step-mom. It can teach you a lot about parenthood and make you a parent, something that is hugely satisfying and happiness-inducing. Therefore, if the person you love has kids and is a single mom or dad, give them a chance and do not love them any less for being parents.
The Causes of Single Parenthood
Single parenthood can be a result of separation or even the death of a spouse and it is, therefore, crucial that you, as a would-be spouse, respect and remain sensitive to their previous relationship and how it ended. You should be careful not to judge or make negative comments about single parenthood and the particular circumstances that made them end up as a single parent.
How to Relate with Your Partner’s Kids
Treat your partner’s kids as you would your own and love them unconditionally. Even when you have your own kids with their parents, love them all the same and be there as a parent for all of them. It can be tough at first, but if you show your love for them, they will eventually warm up to you and if you’re lucky, refer to you as ‘mom’ or ‘dad’.
Can You Get Married Too Late?
There is no perfect time to get married. We are made to think that the perfect time to marry is in our 20s or the latest being our 30s. However, you can get married when you want to. Some people even get married in their 40s or 50s. Even so, if you want to have kids with your spouse and are a lady, be mindful to ensure that your timing is good and you can have kids at the age you get married.
My Experience with Marriage Pressure
Personally, I’ve felt marriage pressure especially as my dad and brother both got married at 24 and I’m now 24 with no idea if I’m gonna get married or even to whom. That is fine and what I know is you don’t have to get married at a particular age just because your parents or siblings did. We live in different times and to be honest, our times are a little bit taxing. As such, get married at your own time and when you know and are sure that you’ve found the right person.
Do Parents Exacerbate Marriage Pressure?
Unfortunately, in most cases, parents are the source of marriage pressure. In other cases, they exacerbate the marriage pressure posited by society. For instance, if your church group colleagues all get married, your parents will likely point that out and ask you if you have met someone. In my view, parents should be sensitive when discussing marriage and advise their kids to get married at their own time and when they find the right person.
The Role of Parents in Alleviating Marriage Pressure
Parents should encourage their kids to take their time before marrying someone to get to know them better and figure out if they are the right fit for a spouse. Parental marriage pressure can be so bad that parents will sometimes recommend or choose a spouse for their children and I think that has been passed by time. If it’s tradition, then one can choose to go that way but if it’s not for you then go out there and find your own partner.
Are Forced or Arranged Marriages Still a Thing?
Gone are the days for forced or ‘strategic’ and arranged marriages. We do not live in the time of monarchies and even if you were a prince or princess today, I’d still think that you should get married out of love and find the right fit for you. One should also be married or marry out of choice. You have the right to choose to marry and who to marry.
What to Do When Facing Marriage Pressure?
When you are facing marriage pressure please stand up for yourself. Sit your parents down or your friends or the person or people pressuring you to get married and make it crystal clear that the decision of marriage is yours to make and only yours. Let them know that you can choose whether to get married or not and most importantly, who to get married to if you choose marriage as something you want for yourself.
Should You Get Married Out of Marriage Pressure?
Do not marry or get married just to wade off marriage pressure. It could lead to you ending up in an abusive or broken marriage or even feeling drained or broken with a family you did not want. It is just as important to find out and let your partner know whether you want kids or not. Find out if you and your would-be spouse want kids and how many you both want. If it’s none for your partner and you want kids, then they may not be the right fit for you. If both of you want kids, agree on the number and start family planning early. The choice of the number of kids is important as it will affect your finances and having an excessively big family could mean lacking the finances to provide the best possible care to all the kids or to educate all of them until college.
Are You Facing Marriage Pressure?
Marriage pressure should not exist but it unfortunately does. To beat it you need to be assertive and know yourself. You need to draw a line on what people can say or not say about the topic and make a stand that you will follow your own path. Have you faced marriage pressure? If so, from whom? Let us know in the comments section.