HomeRelationshipsRelationships: Love, Sex, and Contraceptives

Relationships: Love, Sex, and Contraceptives

Navigating teenage years and becoming an adult can be astounding especially when it comes to relationships: love, sex, and contraceptives. As a 24-year-old, a post-teen, and newly-minted adult here’s my perspective or advice on how to navigate this topic. You’ll make a lot of mistakes along the way but out of them, you will learn invaluable lessons.

Relationships

Relationships are special friendships one has with a person that they are physically or emotionally attracted to. In primal terms, a probable mate who one chooses to explore the world of sex with is a person one is in a relationship with. Depending on your orientation and likes, then the one you are in a relationship with becomes your girlfriend or boyfriend. As you grow older then this person can morph and become a partner, husband, or wife. The term ‘partner’ is used for either a husband or wife but inculcates the sensitivity of blocking out traditional views of marriage and marital roles.

Relationships are a partnership and mixing of two
Relationships are a partnership and a mixing of two; mutual interests, mutual appreciation, and mutual love.

Getting into a Relationship

Getting into a relationship isn’t something that you can script or fully control step by step. In my experience, you just spend a lot of time with someone and share sweet moments and experiences that you find yourself in a relationship with them. It’s like being an astronaut, you never really become an astronaut until you have been to space. Therefore, when you get to space (or love in this case), despite the training or lack thereof, you are inherently an astronaut. Relationships can be likened to that. As such, don’t be too keen to label things or formalize everything. Just ease into it and learn as you go.

Love A Man Carrying a Woman
A relationship can be so beautiful, especially when you avoid the possessive mistake and ensure you pursue ‘protected happiness.’

The Possessive Mistake

On liking someone or entering a relationship, most of us are likely to make the mistake of being overly possessive of that person. Most times this is expressed as jealousy but there is more to it. The ‘possessive mistake‘ is when you treat someone as ‘yours’ i.e. your person and possession. That is a huge mistake and to be honest, the relationship won’t go that far. Instead, let someone be with you without you becoming overly possessive or jealous. I made a video on the possessive mistake and you can watch it below.

The Merger of Love

Think of it this way, a relationship or a partnership of love can be likened to a merger and not an acquisition. A merger of love is where two people come together as equal partners in the same way two companies would merge. The individuals each retain their personal lives, activities, friends, etc in the same way two companies in a merger would retain their brands, employees, and assets. The only difference, however, is that only the parent company has changed and for a relationship, the ‘parent company’ is choosing to and deciding to be together. The opposite would be a corporate takeover and having or requiring someone to change and to me, it’s not right to change who you are for love.

Relationships are like mergers
Relationships are like mergers. They involve two separate entities that need not lose their brands, employees, and assets to be together. No one should lose their personal lives, activities, or friends to be with someone else. You shouldn’t change for love.

The Choice of Who to Love

Love is beautiful because it gives you the freedom to choose. Take a moment to appreciate the power in that. Choosing who to love is powerful. You get to decide who to be with and you can choose any kind of person you want with any number of characteristics. That’s amazing. Getting into a relationship is, therefore, first and foremost, a choice. Remember that and as easy and powerful as it is to choose to be with someone, the same can be said for choosing not to be with someone at all or any longer.

The Sex Equation

On getting into a relationship and assuming you are over 18 and consent to having sex with your partner, then comes the sex equation.  Sex is a lot of things to a lot of people. To some it’s fun, others work, others relief, and so on. As such, there isn’t a blanket translation or perspective on sex. The way I see it is as a shoe that you get to design for yourself and fit into your life the way you want to. When in a relationship, however, both of you decide what it becomes and what it represents.

Sex a Woman Lying on a Man
It is better to wait and have sex when you’re an adult. It should always be consensual and you should always wear protection. Even more, sex in love is far much more satisfactory.

How to Go About Sex

In my humble view, do not engage yourself in sexual activities without being of age or consenting to it. Even when you do, then be very careful as your sex life is a very sensitive and integral part of you and the experiences you have in life. If you’re reckless, you not only risk your health and life but could also put yourself in the confines of circumstances that will change the rest of your life completely.

Unwanted Pregnancy

One such situation is a pregnancy that is unwanted or unintended. As a teenager, having a baby can be quite taxing. You get dealt the question of whether to keep the baby or abort. If you choose to keep the baby, then you choose responsibility for the rest of your life and the obligation of raising a child. If you choose to undergo an abortion, however, you risk losing your ability to have children and living with life-long guilt wondering who the baby you could have had could have become.

Read the Taking a Stand on Abortion article below.

Taking a Stand on Abortion

  The issue of abortion is one of the most divisive in the country. However, the law of our land is the presiding accord that guides daily life. Numerous activists and political entities have taken a stand on this issue, and as crucial as it is to express one’s views, understanding where everyone is coming […]

Read more on Health.

Contraceptives

Contraceptives come into the sex equation as a way to avoid pregnancy. They act as a shield against unwanted fertilization and allow you to control your reproductive health. Contraceptives come in numerous kinds and alternatives but represent a fundamental tool to cushion off against any unwanted surprises. They vary in form of execution and the longevity of effect but with the right advice from a reproductive health specialist or gynecologist, can be an effective way to stay healthy while partaking in a sex life. For instance, a simple condom can be lifesaving. I know most people prefer not to use them but if you do, you prevent a horde of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDs. As such, as uncomfortable or unsweet using a condom is, it is still an essential part of protecting yourself while engaging in sexual activity.

Contraception A Woman Holding a Condom
Contraception is crucial. Something as simple as a condom can be lifesaving.

The Equation of Sex Illustrated

Sex – Contraception = Pregnancy+/ STDs

Sex + Contraception = Protection

Sex + Love + Contraception = Happiness + Protection (Protected Happiness)

Love and Sex

What you’ll learn over time is that sex without love isn’t anything to rave about. It is bland and feels overly transactional. The beauty of sex is love and when you love someone enough, sex becomes part of the beauty of love. Therefore, instead of exploring too early while you’re still a teenager, get to adulthood and fall in love with someone first. By coupling this love with a healthy relationship, healthy sex, and contraception, then you enter the world of ‘protected happiness.’

Read the Love and Distance article below.

Love and Distance

Love is like electricity and reacts in a similar way to distance. Electricity necessitates linkage and a point-to-point connection of two or more nodes to ensure connectivity on the electrical grid. Love works similarly in that it necessitates a tactile connection between two people. When these individuals are separated by distance, then there is the […]

Read about my experiences on Relationships.

Puppy Love

Some will say that they are in love while still teens but that is only puppy love. It’s meant to set the stage and the expectations of adult love. It feels like the sweetest kind of love and also the most painful when one is heartbroken. As such, before giving up your chastity, love someone first, and truly love them by waiting to be an adult.

Consent

In the post-era, you must always seek consent. Boy or girl, ask your partner if they want to have sex with you or to engage in any form of sexual activity. It is so important that I would advise that you literally ask. Of course, the time and setting are important, and please take that extra second to actively seek consent. That time could also be the time that you are strapping up and wearing protection. Active consent is consent that is given in a sober, safe, and cajole-free state. Please ensure that you get it before and during sexual activity.

Explaining Consent
Explaining consent can be tiring but it’s essential. Educate your partner and peers on the need for and advantages of consent. All sex must be consensual and the consent must be active.

Protected Happiness: Wait and Be Careful and you will be Happy

To close it up, be very careful, wait, and you will be very happy. If you can just wait and take things slowly, then you’ll avoid making a lot of mistakes that you will regret. A good example is… if you rush into your first time having sex, then it may not be as special as you’d hoped. However, if you take your time and wait till you are an adult and can better decide who to love, then you will have a much better and more satisfying experience. Otherwise, it will be a messy roller coaster where the internet is your sex teacher and you’re getting fringe passionless expressions of sex and intimacy. Beware.

David Mania
David Maniahttp://maniainc.com
David Mania is an upcoming musician and blogger.
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